We rented two movies on Friday, one of which we watched last night. The film is entitled "Children of Men", and came very highly recommended. The premise was interesting, but it was terribly violent - to the point that on two occasions your's truly had to cover her eyes. We watched it all the way through (more out of sheer stubborness than anything else), then had to sit quietly for an hour and a half before either one of us could go to bed.
Ever since we unplugged from cable TV four or five years ago, Rob and I have gradually but steadily become re-sensitized to violence. I say "re" sensitized because it is my belief that most modern Americans are very desensitized to violence. Getting back to a state (physical, emotoinal, psychological, etc.) in which there is an actual uncomfortable response to violent stimulus is a very interesting process, and one that should not be undertaken lightly. Violence is almost everywhere in our culture, at least if you watch or listen to movies, TV, videos or nightly news coverage. It can be hard to avoid exposure to it. Just think of how many restaurants/pubs have televisions in every corner, or how often CNN or FOX news is on at the airport, various waiting rooms, or elsewhere.
The point of avoiding violent shows is not to pretend that violence does not exist, but rather to reconnect with the ability to have an actual reaction to violence (something more heartfelt than "wow, that had to hurt"). Rob and I have definitely reached that point, which makes it pretty difficult for us to rent movies these days. So, we should have known that this movie would be uncomfortable for us to watch, but we hoped that there would be some kind of positive message at the end - something that would make us think or perhaps urge us into action. Unfortunately, that invovled watching through to the end (only to be disappointed, I might add). Again, it was an interesting movie, but when I chose to keep watching - just to satisfy my curiosity about the ending - even after it was clear the whole move would have disturbing imagery,..I chose poorly.
I should clarify here that I enjoy science-fiction, historical fiction and martial arts movies, all of which often portray violent people and circumstances. The difference, for me at least, is that the movies I watch from those genres generally do not tell realistic stories set in modern (or recent past/near future) times, and the violence is not graphic. The plots don't seem grabbed from the headlines, so it's much easier to separate reality from fiction. In "Children of Men", even though it's set twnety years from now, much of the setting looked like current footage out of Baghdad.
We decided to disconnect our cable shortly after returning from our respective stints in the war (Rob in Turkey, me in Saudi Arabia). We were still in the Air Force, with just under a year of service commitment left. We'd both served during the air campaign, which involves "breaking things and killing people", as the drill sergeants consistently reminded us during training. We saw lots of awful stuff - different than what more recently retuned veterans have seen, but awful just the same. Once home, we were so sick of the awfulness, and sick of seeing it played over and over again on TV, that we decided enough was enough!
This brings me to the point of this posting: I returned the videos this morning, and the gal who recommended it was working. She asked what we thought. I told her that while I thought the story was interesting, it was very violent, much too violent for our tastes. We chatted a bit about the plot, etc., and about future recommendations. I told her that we don't have TV, we don't even watch the news, "after coming back from the war, we just couldn't take anymore". She said "You were in the war? I didn't know that" and then she looked at me very earnestly and said "Thanks. And thanks for coming back." I, teary-eyed, said "You're welcome. We're glad to be here."
As a veteran who has worked hard to re-assimilate into regular, work-a-day civilian life, my months in the desert no longer come to mind with great frequency. I have dealt with - and accept that it may be a lifelong "dealing with" - grief, anguish, outrage, feelings of betrayal, depression, sleeplessness and more - resulting from what constitutes a really very short period of my life. I did not support the war, and I do not support the occupation, (but of course the situation is much more complex than "support/don't support" implies). I cannot tell you how very much a simple thanks means. It expresses kind gratitude, without forcing me to re-hash things I'd rather forget (such as "You were in the war? Wow. How was that?" does). Her simple, heartfelt thanks, devoid of personal curiosity or political innuendo, was an example of the simplest and most touching gift this veteran can receive. Boy, am I glad to be here!
I found your site while blog-surfing. I have always been considered (by others) as "oversensitive" to violence on t.v. The smallest amount bothers me and I am often told, "they're only acting." I applaud your choice to remove yourself and re-sensitize. When I saw the news of VT, I knew I had to remove myself from the media blitz to consider what had really happened. One thing that I notice more and more with increasing dismay is the number of torture scenes that are on television recently. The bar of acceptability continues to rise. Also-thanks- and I'm glad you are home safely to share your words.
KELLY REPLIES: Thanks for your comments, Becky. It got my wheels turning, so I've posted more on the topic. See the post for April 26. Thanks again! ~K
Posted by: becky | April 23, 2007 at 04:38 PM