Remember back in March, when I wrote about samskaras? Well, yesterday I had the opportunity to observe someone else's, and it was such a powerful example that I'm sharing it on the blog:
I was walking in my neighborhood, along a relatively busy street. A woman we'll call Parker had just parallel parked her station wagon in a questionable position. It was in a strip of curb that was just long enough for a car, plus about four feet of red (meaning DO NOT BLOCK). The front end of her car was blocking about three feet of the red section. Another woman we'll call Driver was attempting to pull out of a garage, to the left of which was that bit of red curb.
As I approached, Driver was rolling down her window and Parker had just exited her vehicle. Driver politely said "Excuse me, but could you please back your car up a couple of feet? You're in the red, which makes it hard to pull out safely." Parker's reply was to look fixedly at the curb, make a rather rude face (eye rolling, etc.) and state sarcastically "Well, you really have PLENTY of room there to pull out."
Let's pause for a moment to soak this in. Parker is in the wrong. Even she can see that her car is in a position too far into the red. The very simple solution is to get back into her car, back up four feet or so, and go on with her errand. When called to task on this, however, her immediate response is defensiveness. Even though Driver's request is reasonable, and polite, Parker moved right into "it's not my fault, it's yours" mode.
Driver re-stated her request (still in a patient tone), and by the time I'd walked my way around the hubbub, I heard Parker's car starting up (presumably to back up a bit). It struck me that the whole situation could have been much more pleasant if Parker had taken a breath, assessed the situation, and chosen to respond without defensiveness. As adults, we don't often get "caught" by strangers doing something improperly. It is very interesting that for some of us, our reaction to such a situation is a very childlike one - "not me".
As yoga practitioners, we seek to free ourselves from reactionary existences so that we can live in a responsive - conscious - manner. This means that rather than being controlled by our immediate and habitual reactions to stimuli, we teach ourselves to take a moment before responding to any situation. This may seem like a matter of semantics, but I would argue that it is much more. Discipline of the mind, emotions, and samskaras takes a great deal of focus, patience and practice. It doesn't make us "perfect" people, but I know from my own experiences that it does make us happier...and more pleasant to be around. :-)
Have you found yourself in a situation that brought up defensiveness? Was your initial reaction one of "not me, YOU", only to realize (perhaps much later) that you were actually wrong and probably should have responded differently? Can you re-play the episode in your mind, with a different - more pleasant - outcome?
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