A Matter of Priorities

As a general rule, I don't make resolutions at the new year.  Instead, I take regular account of my behavior, actions, words, etc. and make adjustments as needed.  Once a year is simply not often enough, not when it comes to something as important as my life, my well-being and my growth.

The new year happened to coincide with some big realizations on my part, and so it is a merry coincidence that I am writing this post just nine days after the new year celebrations.  This past fall was a time of great  personal, spiritual and physical upheaval for me.  I faced some deep, old wounds and gained valuable insight into a path for healing.  Gaining insight is not the same as taking the first step on that path, however, and it took me a few more months of meditation, introspection and prayer in order to get to (what I think is) the root of the problem, and then decide to take action.

Changing my life in a way to facilitate this healing is akin to the big decision to leave a relationship...even though one has known the relationship needed to be dissolved for a loooooooong time.  Knowing and doing are two different things.  This grasshopper had a good reminder of that last year.  :-)

Anyway, for me it comes down to priorities.  There are very few things which are truly, radically important in my life.  In a nutshell, the priority is my continuing evolution toward the manifestation of the Divine in all aspects of my life.  This work requires discipline, action, observation, peace, non-judgement, and a host of other valuable qualities.  Some of the results of even the slightest bit of growth in this area include improved relationships (with loved ones, with myself, with the environment, with strangers, with the Divine, etc.), more peacefulness, greater empathy and compassion, improved well-being.

While I hold this priority high intellectually, I have not been behaving as if it were the most important and amazing thing in my life.  As a result, I constantly had the feeling that there were a ton of things I needed to get done, and that I'd never get around to it all and, therefore, everything would end up falling apart around me.  Aside:  How's that for ramped up and a bit out of touch with the reality of the situation? I felt overwhelmed by my day-to-day responsibilities and dissatisfied...even when I tackled a lengthy to-do list.  It was like death by a thousand paper cuts.

So I had a lot of sit-downs with myself, probing around to figure out the root of my dissatisfaction.  After all, I have my dream job, my dream life...what was there to be upset about?

Here's what I realized:  because I was not actually putting my so-called priority at the top of my ever-present to-do list, what I claimed was the most important thing to me was not being fully done/expressed/experienced/etc.  Instead, every day I tackled the mundane things that keep an everyday life going:  laundry, bills, cleaning house and studio, business accounts, etc., etc., etc.  But even when those things were done, I wasn't sitting down and addressing my true priority.  Instead, I would zone out with a movie, or a game, or something else that suddenly felt pressing, mostly out of a feeling of tired, but sometimes out of pure laziness.  All of the "little things" were constantly jostling for first place on my list, while the true priority waited patiently in spite of its ever-lowering status on the list.  It was not a conscious decision to ignore my priority, mind you.  I always told myself that I'd get to it...it being meditation, study of spiritual texts, my asana practice, my pranayama practice, quiet time, prayer, etc...but in reality a smaller "busy task" would almost always pop up and steal the show.  Or, rather, I'd give the show away, audience, popcorn and all.

So I have decided to put my priority back in its rightful spot.  Of course the tasks of everyday life will still need to be addressed.  If I undertake each item on my to-do list as an act of devotion, however, then it is transformed from mundane into an integral component of my spiritual practice.  If, rather than waiting until I'm pooped out at the end of the day to sit down with a spiritual text and study, I do it as early in the day as I can, then I have the rest of the day to joyfully marinate in its wisdom and grace.  If each night before bed I take a few moments to quietly thank all of Creation, and the Creator itself, for the day that I had - ups and downs and in-betweens, then I will get to a healthier balance in my life.

To that end, I have taken up an interesting new practice.  I'll reveal more about it in the upcoming days, as it will involve another blog specific to its content.  Stay tuned for details!

Comments

[Duchess]

Kelly,

This post resonates loud and deep with me. In fact, my other blog was started in response to a similar situation in my life. I will look forward to hearing about how you pin down your new focus and hope to gain some pointers!