How bad is Bad? or: Am I a "Vet" or a "Combat Vet"?

Last Friday I had the pleasure of speaking on the radio for the first time.  I was invited as a guest on "The Ron and Don Show" (AM710 in the Seattle area).  They wanted me to talk about my work with yoga for veterans and my upcoming workshop, "Finding Peace in the Chaos".  It was a great opportunity to get the word out in my community, and I had a good time.  If you'd like to hear it (without commercials!) follow this link.  It was the Friday, June 13 show, 4:00 - 5:00 hour.

It was also a very thought-provoking experience.  Right off the bat they asked a question that some can answer with a simple "yes" or "no" but that I feel compelled to explain - or rather, to put in context.  They wanted to know if I am a "combat vet".  I find this a challenging question because it really depends upon the questioner's definition of the term.  There is the official definition of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, and then there is the general perception of the U.S. population and/or whatever the media is currently saying.

For me, this simple question holds within it many more questions which function as an equation, of sorts:

Was I in a combat zone?                                            yes
Was I shot at?                                                           no
Was I afraid for my life?                                              yes
Was I afraid for the life of "my men"?                           yes
Did I fire my sidearm?                                                no, I wasn't issued one
Did I have to wear my flak vest, helmet, gas mask?     yes, sometimes
Did I see anyone die?                                               not in person (it's complicated)

What do these answers add up to?  A simple yes, or a simple no?  As a vet, and considering the Big Conversations this question provoked for my husband and me (we both served in the air campaign part of the war - not the on-going occupation) I think it really depends upon whom you ask. I've heard stories about young vets almost getting chased out of the VFW by Vietnam vets, if they're true then I've no doubt that there are vets from other conflicts that might argue that I hardly even qualify as a vet.  Others would tell you that anyone who served during a conflict - no matter where they were of if they were actually "in combat" - is a vet, combat or not.  Of course, there are also any number of answers in between.

I do not want to misrepresent myself.  I answered yes, because I feel that I am, in fact, a combat vet.  We could argue the finer points, though I have no desire to argue.  I felt the burden of keeping my pilots out of harm's way.  I saw the footage of their bombs making contact, I felt the relief each time a jet landed safely back on our airstrip.  We suffered no casualties.  We were not bombed.  We had no idea what to expect, which was very frightening.  We rode to work in a bus with tinted windows...which weren't for sun protection, if you know what I mean.  Men drove by us shaking their machine guns at us.

I feel that questions such as this are covering up a different, more probing question:  "How bad was 'bad'"?  As if being a veteran of war weren't a "bad" enough experience, many inquisitive people want detail.  Over the last five years, I've been asked a number of odd questions surrounding my military experience, and always I am left wondering:

-  Is the question actually a way to titillate one's own imagination (much in the way that some people want the gory details of sensational news stories)?
-  Do people want to differentiate between combat and "simply" vet in order to better understand me and my comrades?
-  Do people want to really know, or do they want a Coppola-esque tale woven for them?

I answered "yes" and proceeded with the interview non-plussed.  I am thankful for the chance to come to terms with this issue, which I didn't even realize I needed to clarify.  As I said, I do not wish to misrepresent myself, and while overall I feel comfortable with my answer I am not sure that I could answer so simply in the future.

Added to Edit:  When I say "bad" here, I am not referring to people being "bad", but rather to a bad situation/experience.  Just wanted to clarify that.

Comments

[duchess]

I haven't had a chance to listen to the interview yet, but it is on my to-do list.

I will go out on a limb here and say that most civilians figure that if you served in the military during a war, especially if you were on the ground where the war was being conducted, you are a combat vet. The technical definition is meaningless.

Really, the fact that you could take, what most would agree was a negative experience, use that to foster and grow empathy, and then in turn help others who are need of healing, is most amazing.