I am a Veteran

In this day and age, it should come as no surprise that veterans come in all shapes and sizes.  Many who served, like me, have gone on to live in ways that seem incongruous with the public's perception of "military".  Just yesterday, a classmate got all googly-eyed when she learned that I am a vet, and asked "How do you go from being in the military to becoming a midwife?"

 2001 : Republic of Korea : This was taken after a loooong day of wearing chem-gear during a war simulation exercise.

With all due respect, that is as preposterous as asking, "How do you go from crawling to running marathons?"

2002 : Republic of Korea : with Rob at the DMZ (that's North Korea in the background)

The answer, of course, is that we grow, we change, we redirect the path of our lives...just like anyone who is not a veteran.  I would argue, however, that like anyone who has gone through a truly life-changing series of events, veterans often have a very strong urge to change their lives upon returning home.  Just think of the baby boom after WWII.

2003 : Fairchild AFB in Spokane, WA : Headed to an event in my dress uniform.

There is, I believe, a presumption on the part of the public that service members are - and always will be - "a certain way".  Perhaps there is a safety in feeling that you can pick a veteran out of a group of people, as if we bear a certain mark of membership.  The haircut.  The good posture.  The jutting jaw.  The manner of speech.  The political beliefs.  The (supposed) war mongering attitude.  The scars.  The discipline.

2001 : Republic of Korea : This was taken just before I took all the gear off for the picture above.

All of these markers are mere stereotypes.  They are caricatures of real people.  Some veterans carry these signs physically (not all shrapnel can be removed), some of use use bumper stickers, or wear one of those veteran ball caps.  Many of us carry our wounds quietly, held deeply inside in hopes of protecting ourselves and our loved ones from the pain.  Some of us sleep like babies at night, some of us haven't slept soundly in years.  Some of us still wear the buzz cut, some of us still walk with the clip of "a sense of purpose".  Some of us jump at certain loud noises, some of us actually duck and cover.  The thing is...many people who are NOT veterans also do these things.

2002 : Seattle's Pike Place Market : I was fresh off the jet from Korea, I stood near the hmong flower vendors and cried at the beauty, saying "I want to live HERE".  Notice how easily I could "pass" as a civilian.

One of the best things you can do for a veteran is free them up to be whomever they are and wherever they are in their process...without always bringing them back to their time in the service.  If they want to talk about it, and you want to hear about it, listen with compassion and patience.  Take the opportunity to learn so that we, as a society, can avoid repeating the past.  If they want to leave it in the past, allow them to do so.  It is not your job to "heal" them.  Just love them as they are.  It's the best thing you can do for anybody!

2004 : Fairchild AFB in Spokane, WA : Just before getting out of the Air Force, I got all my long hair chopped off.  It was liberating.

So, today, hug a veteran.  Call your aunt, brother, grandparent, parent, friend, friend's friend and just say "Hi.  Hello.  Thinking of you."  You might even consider thanking them for their service, because it is not true that we all knew what we were signing up for when we joined...administrations change, policies change, the value of lives (apparently) changes.  We were willing to take a chance, willing to put our lives "on the line", but I know that I for one never imagined that my willingness would be so callously taken advantage of.  A simple, heartfelt thanks can go a long way toward helping a veteran understand that their work does have meaning, that they aren't merely a cog in the system.  That they are, in fact, a valued human being.

2002 or 2003 : Fairchild AFB in Spokane, WA : These two gems helped me stay sane during the war (we served in Saudi Arabia together).  Thank you, brothers, for your friendship.  You know who you are.

 

 

Comments

[Kathy Triplett]

Thank you Arya. Beautiful and thought provoking.

[Kelly]

A great reminder to question our assumptions, today and each one after that. Thank you, Arya.

[Sandra Hankins]

I'm sending hugs to you and Rob! What a wonderful and articulate tribute for Veterans Day. Thank you.

[Rutu]

Beautiful article and reminder. Thank you.

[Laurel Gore]

Bella, bella. Change is beauty in action. Thank you for your service.

[Mike Monahan]

You make a vetran proud, especially if he's your dad. Well done!

[Arya]

Awww, thanks, Dad!