Seattle Yogini

The Fitness Plan

First, let me just tell you that I didn't end up having to go to the birth center until Friday evening, so it turned out that I was able to do my workout after all.  A workout AND a baby, what an awesome day!

I thought that I would elaborate on my fitness plan.  As I told you last week, I have come to realize that I'm ready to change gears, get lean, and really shape my physical form into the image that I see when I think of myself physically.  I have always liked lifting weights, though I took a hiatus for many years from what I would call "real" lifting.  What is real lifting?  It's lifting heavy (not those silly little pink dumbbells), for 2-3 sets (not one set of a bajillion reps), with consistency (once a week won't a changed body make, my friends).  What I did during my not-really-lifting years was the occasional check-in just to make sure that I hadn't turned into spaghetti arms.  My asana practice was keeping me very strong and toned, comparable to a calisthenics program.  Once I closed the studio and went back to school last summer, though, it became clear that in order to reach my goals I would need to add other activities back into my wellness routine.

Of course, everyone has different ideas about fitness, health, and what is physically appealing.  We all have ideas of how we would like to look.  Personally, I want to look strong and like I could pretty much engage in any physical activity I want without keeling over.  I want my body to show my inner strength and approach to life.  Taking into account my body composition (mesomorph), I am fortunate that all it really takes is some consistent, hard work for me to develop the body that I see for myself in my head:  toned, strong, recognizably fit but not ripped-to-shreds.  Because I have always been physically active, I've never tended toward skinny fat, which is the model that so many people seem to use to measure female beauty.  Skinny fat basically requires a woman to be little (as in "skinny") as possible, even if she's basically bone and fat with hardly any muscle tone.  Weak, but maintaining that all-important skinniness.  Sigh.

Now, I'll be the first to argue that BMI calculations based on height/weight ratios are bogus.  That said, I haven't scheduled myself a body-fat calculating appointment with a personal trainer (yet), so BMI is all I've got to go by right now.  Currently I'm at the high end of healthy (at 24%).  I'd like to get down to no higher than 20%, which is still a healthy amount for a female body to do its various jobs without not-enough-fat problems creeping in (dry skin, hair & nails, loss of menstruation, joint aches, poor recovery, low immunity, etc).  I reckon I've got about 7 - 10 pounds to lose.  I'm less concerned with what the scale tells me, though, than I am with how I feel, how my measurements are changing, and how my "thermometer pants" are fitting.  People easily obsess over the scale, and I'm no different.  This is why I refused to own one for many, many years.  I bought one at the new year, though, and it has been useful in helping me see how my weight naturally fluctuates, what affects it from day-to-day, etc.  It's become one component of how I measure my body's progress, not the end-all-be-all of whether I succeed or not.

When I decided to re-commit to the workout program laid out in The Female Body Breakthrough, I went ahead and skipped to the "Define Yourself" stage.  That's because I'd already started (and stopped, unfortunately) the "Base Phase" so many times that I figured my body needed a new challenge.  Also, I've been dancing two or three times a week as well as going to Zumba classes two or three times a week for months, so I really felt like my starting point (and knowledge base) was much higher than many readers'.

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To update last Friday's Fitness Round-up.  Note that I'm starting on a Saturday because that's when I got back on the wagon.  It works well, though, if we consider Friday the end of the week for the purposes of these round-ups.  Also please note that we take a daily walk of about 30 minutes, but (a) I don't count that as "cardio" because it's more like a relaxing stroll and (b) I don't feel like writing it everyday.  Just remember that I do it, whether I also do a dance class, Zumba, or strength training on that day.  Even rest days are active days!

Saturday, 6/25:  Strength Training - Define Yourself Workout A    This was my first time, so it was very experimental with regards to how much weight I needed in order to fail at 8 reps.  I did 2 sets of 8 reps for each superset listed.  I did the warm up, of course, but for my body I prefer to do 20 jumping jacks instead of each of the lateral or one-legged jumps listed (I've followed the warm-up precisely in the past, and ended up with shin splints and/or foot pain).  I stretch all major muscle groups after the workout and work out the kinks on a foam roller, and am out of the gym within about 50 minutes of arriving.

Sunday:  rest  For my purposes, "rest" means that I had my usual level of activities, including a daily walk of 30 minutes, either with or without the dog.

Monday:  Strength Training - Define Yourself Workout B    I continue with 2 sets of 8 reps, fine-tuning the weight as this was my first time doing this plan.  I like this one better.  I think that inverted rows and SHELCs are fun!  :-)

Tuesday:  Nomatitude night, which means that I danced for about 75 minutes.  We meet for 90, but I'm not dancing non-stop for those 90 minutes, so I'm trying to be reasonable here.  lol

Wednesday:  Strength Training - Define Yourself A    Will continue with 2 sets of 8 reps for this week and next.  Plan to start 3 sets during week three.

Thursday:  Dance Class night.  Add another 50 minutes of dancing into the mix!

Friday, 7/1:  Strength Training - Define Yourself B    2 sets of 8 reps

Results so far:  My upper chest, neck and throat look noticeably thinner to me, which is good because I felt like I was a little poochy under the chin these last few months.  My belly is also less padded, and my measurements are decreasing (I can't give specifics, because it was almost six months since previous measurement).  Even though I'm pre-menstrual and feeling bloated, the scale says I've lost almost three pounds (not just this week, but since I started tracking at the beginning of June).

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Still to be determined is how much of my other activities I will list here, and how much of my asana practice.  I haven't decided, as those are more like lifestyle components.  Then again, what I'm sharing here are my lifestyle changes as I regain the level of fitness I desire.  I'll think on it.

How much do you want to know?  Also, are you following along with the book, too?  Want to share your progress in the comments?  Or are you doing other things to meet your goals?  Please share!  I'd love to have some virtual workout buddies!

Upcoming posts include "The Diet Plan" and "The Stress Reduction Plan", both invaluable components to losing fat and building muscle.

 

Friday Fitness Round-up, July 1

I'm with a laboring client, so I have to postpone the round-up until later.  Here's a Cliff's Notes version:

Saturday, Monday, Wednesday:  lifted heavy ("Define Yourself" A on Sat & Wed, B on Mon)

Tuesday:  Bellydanced for well over an hour

Daily:  walk, either just Rob and me or with the dog, about 30 minutes/day

My plan was to dance again on Thursday and Zumba or lift on Friday, then take Saturday to rest.

Trimming Waaaay Back

During the many years of trying to conceive, I purposefully allowed my body to become "fluffy".  I feathered my nest, so to speak, wanting to not only have a healthy amount of body fat but also because I felt that, for me, a slightly softer, rounder figure was more welcoming to the energy of "mother".  I have a history of heavy-duty exercise and even a short period of my life during which I starved myself.  Coming to a decision that would allow my body to expand and soften was a very big deal.  Indeed, much of it had to do with letting go of the need to monitor and control my body so very much - particularly since the baby-making efforts (temping, charting, vitamins, surviving and healing from two lost pregnancies, etc.) were exhausting in much the same way that dieting and over-exercising are.

While our hopes for a baby have not completely waned, our participation in the baby brigade has.  No more temping, charting, and I only sometimes remember to take the folic acid (gasp!).  Life is good, and we're slowly but surely feeling better and better about our shift in focus and energy.  We both have time off this summer, and we're using it to rest, recuperate, and reinvent ourselves after five years of baby focus.

To that end, on the first day of summer I cut off all of my long, beautiful hair.  I grow a great head of hair - it's thick but not coarse, wavy and easy to curl.  It was a few inches past my bra-line, and it hadn't been dyed or over-styled.  It was beautiful, but truly felt that it was no longer serving me.  One of the reasons I'd grown it out was this feathering of my physical nest, which no longer felt applicable or appropriate.  Cutting it all off and starting fresh was an easy decision, as was donating it to Locks of Love.

The before pictures (click to embiggen):

  

The during pictures:

              

The after picture:

Each ponytail was about a quarter in diameter.  That's a lot of hair for a child's wig, and I'm so glad that it can be put to such a good use.

The final style is a pixie (not the bob you see above), but I don't yet have a good picture of it.  So you'll have to use your imagination and be patient.

This reinvention also involves a serious return to fitness activities (not merely the "making do" that I was doing during the school year).  To that end, I will post a weekly wrap-up of my dedicated work-out time at the end of each week.  I'm good at being accountable to myself, but I'm also proud enough that I don't want to have to share a lame list at the end of each week.  Making myself post it here should help me stay on track.  If you want to join with some reinvention of your own, I'm using the book, The Female Body Breakthrough, which - having weight-trained for many years - I highly recommend.

 

Pregnancy and Neck Pain

Today's post is on Prenatal Yogini, where I've offered some recommendations to alleviate neck and throat tension during pregnancy, and insight into why a relaxed throat is so important as labor draws near!

A Baby Catcher is Born

 

One of the realizations I made during my springtime quietude was that it is time for me to become a midwife.  On some level I have known this for a long time, but I didn't want to know it.  I thought it was the forgotten dream of an ardent eighteen-year-old, no longer applicable to my life.  It was at that age that I first learned about some of the common interventions used in childbirth.  I was appalled, and outraged that birth seemed to have become something that happens to women, rather than something that they themselves do.  I wrote a paper for school entitled, "The Dangers of the Medicalization of Childbirth" (this was in 1995) and learned about the midwifery model of care, which views pregnancy and childbirth and normal and healthy.  Then I realized that I didn't actually know any midwives, it was illegal in many states at the time, and I had no idea how one became a midwife.  I wasn't interested in becoming an activist, I wanted to be a midwife.  I shrugged off the fleeting dream of what I might do when I grew up and continued going about the business of being a college student.

And yet...my course of study continued to focus on women, empowerment, the body, health, reproductive issues and rights, sexuality education, and eventually Purna Yoga, specializing in prenatal yoga, and becoming a doula.  This move to become a midwife feels like a development of, not a diversion from, my current work.

This morning on our local NPR station the topic of the 9am show is Natural Childbirth.  The ad stated that less than 1% of couples choose a non-medicated, little to no-intervention birth (they didn't state whether that was local, state-, or nation-wide).  That means that less than 1% of childbearing women have faith that they can do this thing that our bodies are, with few medical exceptions, perfectly capable of doing with zero "help".  What has happened to our sense of strength, our power, our confidence?  What keeps the other 99% of women from choosing a way of giving birth that maintains the sanctity of this journey, the well-being of the infant, and the mother's sense of unmitigated confidence in her abilities**?

I want to become a midwife because I believe in birth, I believe in women, and I believe in babies.  My path holds challenges, to be sure, but I am finally, happily, ready to face them.  I will be the change I wish to see in the world.  I will be part of the movement to ensure that families have choices when it comes to where, how, and with whom they welcome new little people to the world.  I will be an activist, if that's what it takes.

You can follow more about this particular journey at my sister-blog:  Prenatal Yogini

** Disclaimer:  I am thankful that we have so many choices when it comes to prenatal care and labor/delivery options.  My bias is clearly toward "natural" childbirth, but please do not take that as an indictment against those who choose other methods of labor/delivery.  I am not judging those women.  I may, however, judge the practices that have become so commonplace - often in spite of clear scientific evidence that they are not safe or effective.

Teaching: Pelvic Floor Workshop

My annual Lifting the Pelvic Floor workshop is coming up in July.  Below is an article I wrote for the Yoga Centers e-newsletter, entitled "Why I Teach the Pelvic Floor Workshop".  If you'd like to join the workshop, click on the link or contact Yoga Centers (425-746-7476) to register.

If you have questions or comments, leave a comment so everyone can learn!

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People are sometimes surprised that I have such an interest in a part of the body that is so “private”; an area that may seem irrelevant to everyday life. We often speak around the pelvic floor but not directly about the pelvic floor. This may be in part due to a desire to be discreet. After all, in order to properly discuss the pelvic floor, one must be willing to utter words like “genitalia” and “anus”. As a prenatal yoga teacher and a doula, I use words like that in a professional setting surprisingly often!

I have found it very helpful to speak frankly about seemingly discreet topics. For me, it all boils down to one simple fact: we all have a pelvic floor. We all have those nearby body parts. We all benefit from building our awareness of the pelvic floor and learning to strengthen it. I have taught women and men about the importance of the pelvic floor and how to care for it for years. I continue to feel passionately about it...particularly when I see the wonderful results people have from using some basic knowledge and exercises, like those I teach in my workshop.

I first became interested in the pelvic floor after a visit to my midwife years ago. I went in for a well woman check up, and the midwife did the usual exam, during which she said “squeeze my fingers”. I did as instructed, and she responded with an enthusiastic “Whoa! I love yoga people's pelvic floors”. I didn't really know what she meant, because it hadn't occurred to me that my pelvic floor might be any different from anybody else's. So I started to look into it. I considered the daily activities in which I consciously use my pelvic floor (particularly during my yoga practice, but also in everyday situations such as coughing, sneezing, walking, or climbing the stairs). I started researching books on the topic. The more I learned, the more interested I became. Eventually I realized that I had an awareness and a knowledge base that might be helpful for other people – especially considering the many unfortunate consequences of a lazy pelvic floor. So I developed a workshop dedicated to the pelvic floor.

As far as I know, my pelvic floor workshop is the only workshop of its kind. It's a very liberating experience for participants, as we create a space in which everyone can ask questions, trouble-shoot, and discuss what's going on “down there” freely. There are often a lot of questions, and we all learn a lot as we work through the material and the exercises together. It doesn't matter what stage of life or which sex a student is, everyone can improve their health by learning how to properly use the pelvic floor.

Try this: go back to the top of this article and read the whole thing while lifting your pelvic floor. Relax for a couple of minutes and then do it again while reading the article out loud. Why out loud? Well, do it and feel the difference. Are you intrigued? If so, then I hope to see you in my workshop this July!

The Other "F" Word

Fred:  "Oh, hello, Alma.  I haven't seen you in so long.  How are you?"

Alma:  "Hi Fred.  I'm fine.  How 'bout yourself?"

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Does the above greeting sound familiar?  Have you been Fred or Alma - either on the receiving or giving end of a "fine"?  Do you come from the "Fine Family", in which the response to any inquiry is "fine"?

Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fiiiiiiiine.

It's the other F word.  Four letters, and just as vulgar as its cousin.  I have heard four-letter words referred to as "colorful" language, but I find them drab.  They lack imagination.  They lack fire.  They are used when a person can't think of anything better to say to describe how they feel, to (attempt to) insult or berate another, to emote effusively, or just out of habit.  "Fine" has become the go-to word when other words fail us.

The truly sad thing about the overused "fine" is that it is usually a lie.  A flat-out lie (just read the links above to read various definitions).  Usually, everything about the person saying they're fine tells us otherwise.  Alma looks disheveled.  Her skin is waxy and her eyes have dark rings.  She seems to sag, as if drained.  And yet, when asked by a friend how she's doing, she tells him "fine".  She could simply say, "Oh, Fred.  I'm having a tough time right now.  I appreciate you asking how I'm doing, but I don't feel like talking about it."  She could be honest without going into details, "I'm not well, but I'll be okay."  Somehow we, as a culture, have all become "fine" even when we're not.

This means that not only are we lying to our friends, family, co-workers...we're lying to ourselves.  This is where the bigger problems develop.  What kinds of lies do you tell yourself regularly?  Go on, take a minute and consider it (be honest!), I'm not going anywhere.

((((time elapse))))

Did you come up with some untruths?  I'll help with a list of common self-told lies:

• I'm not smart enough to do that.
• I'm not good enough to be with that person.
• That pain in my back isn't really so bad, I don't need to tend to it.
• I can get around fine, I don't need help while I recover from foot surgery.
• I'm fat/ugly/broke.
• Nobody cares.
• Everybody cares.
• I don't have time.
• I have it under control.

Lying to yourself creates a discord in your body/mind/spirit.  It means you are living without integrity, and that is part of the matrix of dis-ease...which could lead to disease!  The bigger issue with saying your fine when you aren't is how it affects you and your relationships with others and yourself.

As with any habit, overuse or inappropriate use of "fine" can be conquered.  Let's all get more creative - and honest - in our replies to the inevitable "How ya doin'?" question.  Let's NOT be FINE!

In the Making

I enjoy making things.  I feel that creative expression is essential to our well-being.  In the last few years, most of my creativity has been poured into teaching yoga and growing my yoga studio.  This has been very rewarding in many ways.  Recently, however, I have realized that focusing my creative energies outwardly for so long has created an inner deficit.  I have plundered my own reserves and offered myself little replenishment.

It's time for a change.

Indeed, this is one of the many reasons behind my decision to put the studio up for sale.  I simply need to redirect my energy inward - to home, to my own creativity, to hopefully expanding our family.  I used to sing, act, dance, play musical instruments.  I still sing (in the car, baby!) and dance (thank goodness I got back into dancing), but I am curious again about acting, and I'd like to take up the guitar.  I want to be able to entertain myself and my friends with song or story, like in the days before folks sat around staring at televisions and actually had to interact for their mutual amusement.

**Aside**  I was most impressed with that while watching "Out of Africa":  when Denys and Cole come visiting at the farm, and Denys wants to know if Karen sings and she says no, but she tells stories.  She then proceeds to tell a story that, apparently, lasts for hours.  What a fantastic skill! 

My creative mainstay these last six years has been knitting.  Ever since I first laid eyes on Stitch 'N Bitch I knew I wanted to learn to wave a couple of sticks around with some string and POOF! end up with a hat/scarf/socks/sweater/you name it.  Sometimes I knit a lot, sometimes I don't.  Sometimes I have multiple works in progress at a time, sometimes I am a "monogamous knitter".  However I'm doing it, knitting has provided a consistent opportunity to be artful.

To whit:

Summery Socks

Started May 2009, completed last week.  They were exiled for awhile, what can I say?  I bought the yarn last spring in a fit of "must have bright pink yarn".  I'd say I was successful in procuring it!

Seraphim Shawl

I am *very* happy with this shawl.  It took me about a month, and is just what I wanted:  cozy, great color, pretty, intricacy balanced with simplicity.

Shedir

I made this in February/March as a gift for a neighbor.  It's made with a yarn called Calmer, which is a stretchy, soft cotton.  It behaves similarly to wool, but has no itch.  This makes it great for sensitive heads.  I really like the design on the crown.  :-)

Baby Blanket

This baby blanket is made from a sweet, soft, washable wool.  The photo doesn't do the color justice - it's actually a sweet-corn yellow.  I'm very happy with how it turned out.

Cloche Call

I've wanted a sassy cloche for quite awhile, and happily knit this one for myself this past winter.  It's super soft, a great shade of soft pink, and has that fine, flippy ruffle poking out of the side.  It has been my go-to hat for many months, now.

Socks the First (Punctuated Rib Socks)

This sweet Lorna's Laces yarn (color:  Clementine) was a Christmas gift from a friend/yoga student.  I love orange, especially orange yarn, and had a great time knitting these socks.  I might even have enough leftover yarn to make some baby booties or something.  Yay!

Socks the Second (a.k.a. Jaywalkers...my third pair)

I really like this pattern for variegated yarn.  It creates nice stripes (as opposed to pools, puddles, or other color results I don't really want).  This is Yarn Pirate yarn (color:  Emerald City).  The cast-on edge is very ruffly this time, which was a fun and unexpected surprise.  I'm working on its mate.

All project details are on my ravelry.com page.  Just look for seattleyogini!

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So, clearly, plenty of knitting has been going on this year.  In addition to the Jaywalker mate, I'm working on a summertime blouse.  I have the back nearly complete, so I may actually be able to wear it by the time we consistently have warm weather.  The knitting continues, but I want more outlets for my creative energy.  As things wind-down professionally, one of the things I look forward to most is making the time to pursue those outlets and let those creative juices flow!

The Timeliness of Illness

I used to get sick a lot.  Shortly after I got out of the military, as I was getting used to a new life and letting go of some very stressful experiences, my body "helped" by ensuring that I rested.  Fevers, sore throats, sinus problems, common colds, the occasional upset stomach, chronic sacro-iliac pain.  Illness made me slow down and take it easy, something I don't tend to do very well otherwise.

Rest provides the body, mind and spirit with an opportunity to process inputs.  If we fail to rest, we begin to fail at pretty much everything.  Rest is absolutely critical to good health.  I know all of that, and yet I must admit that I do not rest easily.  I encourage resting, I often advise people to rest, and I truly appreciate rest when I get it.  Still, I struggle with outer stillness.  I live in a busy body, one that craves movement and interaction.  It does not take well to sleeping in (makes me feel headachy), lying around (I get grumpy) or otherwise slowing down.

That does not mean I don't need to.  Slow down, that is.

For a long time, illness seemed to be the solution.  It gives me the perfect excuse to plant myself on the sofa, watch hours of BBC Jane Austen movies, and knit till my fingers complain.  As a small business owner, however, I have found that illness is not a guarantee for rest.  If I'm not working, money isn't being made.  If money isn't being made, I can't pay the rent.  If I can't teach a class, I have to call around and try to find a sub (the antithesis of rest when you're sick).

I never said illness was a *good* solution!

Anyway, I hadn't been sick in a long time.  2008 was a very sick year, 2009 was much better (I even cared for a swine-flu ridden husband and didn't fall ill).  2010 was going well until I got home from a week's visit in Indiana.  Within two days I was S-I-C-K.  I didn't even bother with subs, I canceled classes.  I freed up my whole week.  I hunkered down, knowing that I was probably overdue for a "rest" and I intended to make it as easy on myself as possible.

Hmph.  The illness lingered.  I started to feel a bit better, then KAPOW! lost my voice again and ran a fever.  Sick for a second week.  Then I developed a mysterious foot pain that I finally - after ten days - went to the doctor about.  I've spent two weeks clumping around in a boot (a removable cast).  Last night I developed a froggy voice again.

What gives?

Well, there is a lot of change going on for me right now.  In addition to changing my name, a few months ago I decided to sell my business.  I have spent the last five years building up my yoga studio, caring for it and helping it grow.  While I feel sure about the decision - it is time for me to focus my energies at home - it marks a whole-life change.  Also, Rob recently expanded his job search, which means that we may end up relocating if he gets a good job offer somewhere other than Seattle.  These transitions are all of indeterminate length.  It isn't like a decision can be made and POOF! we're in a new phase.  Rather, decisions have been made, processes undertaken, and now all we can do is stay the course, listen to our hearts, and have faith.

So it isn't surprising that I've spent the last month slowed down by one thing or another.  I have embarked on a process of slowing down...I have plans to rest!  Illness and peg-leg boot have ensured that I get started NOW.

I certainly look forward to the day when I don't have to be "encouraged" to slow down.  This forced rest thing is getting on my nerves.

The Name Thing

Juliet:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Juliet was right about roses.  They smell sweet, and would likely smell the same even if they were called "pinks".  Roses, however, are not people.  Roses do not engage in personal growth and development.  They do not strive to become better roses.  They are not empowered to make choices about their lives.

Thankfully, people do...and are.  In fact, it is in the making of choices, the endeavor to become ever more * I *, and the growth that comes from that path of Self-development that we grow.  We change.  We evolve.

Names can help us in that process.  Words carry meaning.  Names (especially for people) are important.  They carry intention, hope, direction, legacy, and sometimes the baggage of those who bestowed the name.  One may use a name to identify oneself with a particular ethnicity, or to honor a deceased person.  Expectant parents take a lot of time to name their children precisely because a name is important.

As that child grows, however, the name may prove untenable.  It may not "fit" the adult the child becomes.  They may no longer identify with that heritage, or may have been burdened with the memories of the honored dead.  The adult may find that, having learned more about who she is and what she's about, the time has come to let go of the old name - and the persona it identified - and assume a new name that will help her along her personal journey.

Aside:  I wish that we had naming rituals for adults.  Since our names are often chosen by our parents before they meet us, I think that a coming-of-age ritual in which an adult determines his or her own name would be fabulous.  It would recognize the significance of one's name while honoring the growth of the person.

A few years ago, a name came to me in meditation and prayer.  It was very clearly a name, and an important message, but I didn't understand whose name it was.  At that time, I was not even thinking about changing my name, though many people in the yogic community do so.  The name stuck with me, though, like a guardian spirit, always hovering somewhere nearby in my consciousness.

It wasn't until my grandmother passed away in 2008 that I began questioning the appropriateness of my given name (Kelly).  Kelly became uncomfortable, like too-tight shoes.  It was another family member's name before it was mine; an aunt who passed away at the tender age of three-and-a-half.  The feeling behind the name (which means warrior, war, strife, conflict, and "bright-headed" [whatever that means]) no longer applied to my life and, in fact, represented a very long stage of my life that I was glad to have worked through.  It did not feel like my name, and I did not want the very word meant to represent me to be one that literally evoked conflict & war every time it was spoken.  My warrior days, at least in the literal sense, are behind me.  I realized it was time to assume a new name - one that would help me rise to a fuller expression of my Self with each utterance.

The name that came to me in meditation was not exactly my first choice.  When I realized that I needed a new name, my mind got really excited and started offering many options.  It was a lot to sift through!  In the end, though, it was so much chaff.  It took a few more weeks of meditation and prayer to discern that the name was, in fact, for me.  Then I had to do a lot of inner work to help me let go of the name Kelly.  After all, I had that name for 34 years.  It isn't as simple as going to the courthouse and changing the name.  The mind, body, energy, everything about a person has to let go of the old name and welcome the new one.

This takes time.

But making the change has been such a wonderful step for me.  It is a beautiful name, and for me it holds the energy of nobility (especially a sense of feminine power, strength & grace).  It calls me more deeply into adulthood - the kind of adult I want to be.  Kelly represents my childhood and adolescence, much of which stayed with me into my thirties.  My new name calls me into the fullness of adulthood, with its responsibilities, integrity, joy, and strength.  Kelly led me to this place, and I will always be grateful for that.  Kelly cannot take me further, though, and so I've let it go.

My name is Arya.  I had no idea what it meant when it came to me.  It isn't as if I looked through a baby name book.  I have learned, however, that it is a very powerful name for me.  I am so thrilled to finally be ready to share it - and myself - with the world.

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If you're interested in name meanings, read this for a great background on the name.  After reading this, a friend of mine pointed out that the phrase, "who strives and overcomes all outside him and within him that stands opposed to the human advance" sounds perfect for me.  I was so grateful to him for having pointed that out.  It really helped me assume the name even more.  Thanks, S!!!