Seattle Yogini

Watch out 2011, here I come!

What a whirlwind way to wrap up a year!  2010 went out with a sneeze...literally, but not until I'd finished finals, caught up on rest, and hosted family for a pre-Christmas Christmas visit.  Rob came down with what we think was the respiratory flu the day after Christmas, and I was sick by Thursday.  Not exactly the festive/feel good holiday season I always anticipate.  In fact, more than a few of my local friends agree with me that the holidays were rather lame this year.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but I suspect that exhaustion from the way our fall was, coupled with lame weather (not cold enough for fires) sealed it for us.

Now I'm back at school with two big science classes:  Anatomy & Physiology II and Microbiology.  A&P II focuses more on physiology this quarter, and is supposedly a bit easier in that there isn't as much pure memorization as last quarter (my head was so full of mnemonics!).  There is a lot more conceptual understanding of various processes required, though, so it depends on the learner.  I'm only one week in, so I don't have much to share about Micro yet.  Well, except that between the two classes my lab partner and I are already tired of looking into microscopes.  Ruh roh!

I changed my yoga teaching schedule!  I have taught a Wednesday 5:45 - 7:15 class at Purna Yoga Centers in Bellevue since I started teaching there in 2005.  Due to my school schedule, I changed it starting this quarter.  Now I teach prenatal yoga on Sundays from 1:30 - 3.  It's a great time slot for moms who already have a child at home and find it difficult to get away during the week.  It's also nice because it's after Sunday morning activities (pancake breakfast, church, etc.), but leaves plenty of time to enjoy the benefits of the class all afternoon and evening!  My friend and colleague, Zofia, has taken over the Wednesday class, so we now have two prenatal classes per week.  Yay!

I have a lot of hopes and dreams for this year, but as you may recall from last year I don't put a lot of emphasis on "resolutions".  I'll share some of my thoughts for 2011 later this week.

Happy New Year!

Arya

I am a Veteran

In this day and age, it should come as no surprise that veterans come in all shapes and sizes.  Many who served, like me, have gone on to live in ways that seem incongruous with the public's perception of "military".  Just yesterday, a classmate got all googly-eyed when she learned that I am a vet, and asked "How do you go from being in the military to becoming a midwife?"

 2001 : Republic of Korea : This was taken after a loooong day of wearing chem-gear during a war simulation exercise.

With all due respect, that is as preposterous as asking, "How do you go from crawling to running marathons?"

2002 : Republic of Korea : with Rob at the DMZ (that's North Korea in the background)

The answer, of course, is that we grow, we change, we redirect the path of our lives...just like anyone who is not a veteran.  I would argue, however, that like anyone who has gone through a truly life-changing series of events, veterans often have a very strong urge to change their lives upon returning home.  Just think of the baby boom after WWII.

2003 : Fairchild AFB in Spokane, WA : Headed to an event in my dress uniform.

There is, I believe, a presumption on the part of the public that service members are - and always will be - "a certain way".  Perhaps there is a safety in feeling that you can pick a veteran out of a group of people, as if we bear a certain mark of membership.  The haircut.  The good posture.  The jutting jaw.  The manner of speech.  The political beliefs.  The (supposed) war mongering attitude.  The scars.  The discipline.

2001 : Republic of Korea : This was taken just before I took all the gear off for the picture above.

All of these markers are mere stereotypes.  They are caricatures of real people.  Some veterans carry these signs physically (not all shrapnel can be removed), some of use use bumper stickers, or wear one of those veteran ball caps.  Many of us carry our wounds quietly, held deeply inside in hopes of protecting ourselves and our loved ones from the pain.  Some of us sleep like babies at night, some of us haven't slept soundly in years.  Some of us still wear the buzz cut, some of us still walk with the clip of "a sense of purpose".  Some of us jump at certain loud noises, some of us actually duck and cover.  The thing is...many people who are NOT veterans also do these things.

2002 : Seattle's Pike Place Market : I was fresh off the jet from Korea, I stood near the hmong flower vendors and cried at the beauty, saying "I want to live HERE".  Notice how easily I could "pass" as a civilian.

One of the best things you can do for a veteran is free them up to be whomever they are and wherever they are in their process...without always bringing them back to their time in the service.  If they want to talk about it, and you want to hear about it, listen with compassion and patience.  Take the opportunity to learn so that we, as a society, can avoid repeating the past.  If they want to leave it in the past, allow them to do so.  It is not your job to "heal" them.  Just love them as they are.  It's the best thing you can do for anybody!

2004 : Fairchild AFB in Spokane, WA : Just before getting out of the Air Force, I got all my long hair chopped off.  It was liberating.

So, today, hug a veteran.  Call your aunt, brother, grandparent, parent, friend, friend's friend and just say "Hi.  Hello.  Thinking of you."  You might even consider thanking them for their service, because it is not true that we all knew what we were signing up for when we joined...administrations change, policies change, the value of lives (apparently) changes.  We were willing to take a chance, willing to put our lives "on the line", but I know that I for one never imagined that my willingness would be so callously taken advantage of.  A simple, heartfelt thanks can go a long way toward helping a veteran understand that their work does have meaning, that they aren't merely a cog in the system.  That they are, in fact, a valued human being.

2002 or 2003 : Fairchild AFB in Spokane, WA : These two gems helped me stay sane during the war (we served in Saudi Arabia together).  Thank you, brothers, for your friendship.  You know who you are.

 

 

The Other "F" Word

Fred:  "Oh, hello, Alma.  I haven't seen you in so long.  How are you?"

Alma:  "Hi Fred.  I'm fine.  How 'bout yourself?"

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Does the above greeting sound familiar?  Have you been Fred or Alma - either on the receiving or giving end of a "fine"?  Do you come from the "Fine Family", in which the response to any inquiry is "fine"?

Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fiiiiiiiine.

It's the other F word.  Four letters, and just as vulgar as its cousin.  I have heard four-letter words referred to as "colorful" language, but I find them drab.  They lack imagination.  They lack fire.  They are used when a person can't think of anything better to say to describe how they feel, to (attempt to) insult or berate another, to emote effusively, or just out of habit.  "Fine" has become the go-to word when other words fail us.

The truly sad thing about the overused "fine" is that it is usually a lie.  A flat-out lie (just read the links above to read various definitions).  Usually, everything about the person saying they're fine tells us otherwise.  Alma looks disheveled.  Her skin is waxy and her eyes have dark rings.  She seems to sag, as if drained.  And yet, when asked by a friend how she's doing, she tells him "fine".  She could simply say, "Oh, Fred.  I'm having a tough time right now.  I appreciate you asking how I'm doing, but I don't feel like talking about it."  She could be honest without going into details, "I'm not well, but I'll be okay."  Somehow we, as a culture, have all become "fine" even when we're not.

This means that not only are we lying to our friends, family, co-workers...we're lying to ourselves.  This is where the bigger problems develop.  What kinds of lies do you tell yourself regularly?  Go on, take a minute and consider it (be honest!), I'm not going anywhere.

((((time elapse))))

Did you come up with some untruths?  I'll help with a list of common self-told lies:

• I'm not smart enough to do that.
• I'm not good enough to be with that person.
• That pain in my back isn't really so bad, I don't need to tend to it.
• I can get around fine, I don't need help while I recover from foot surgery.
• I'm fat/ugly/broke.
• Nobody cares.
• Everybody cares.
• I don't have time.
• I have it under control.

Lying to yourself creates a discord in your body/mind/spirit.  It means you are living without integrity, and that is part of the matrix of dis-ease...which could lead to disease!  The bigger issue with saying your fine when you aren't is how it affects you and your relationships with others and yourself.

As with any habit, overuse or inappropriate use of "fine" can be conquered.  Let's all get more creative - and honest - in our replies to the inevitable "How ya doin'?" question.  Let's NOT be FINE!

The Timeliness of Illness

I used to get sick a lot.  Shortly after I got out of the military, as I was getting used to a new life and letting go of some very stressful experiences, my body "helped" by ensuring that I rested.  Fevers, sore throats, sinus problems, common colds, the occasional upset stomach, chronic sacro-iliac pain.  Illness made me slow down and take it easy, something I don't tend to do very well otherwise.

Rest provides the body, mind and spirit with an opportunity to process inputs.  If we fail to rest, we begin to fail at pretty much everything.  Rest is absolutely critical to good health.  I know all of that, and yet I must admit that I do not rest easily.  I encourage resting, I often advise people to rest, and I truly appreciate rest when I get it.  Still, I struggle with outer stillness.  I live in a busy body, one that craves movement and interaction.  It does not take well to sleeping in (makes me feel headachy), lying around (I get grumpy) or otherwise slowing down.

That does not mean I don't need to.  Slow down, that is.

For a long time, illness seemed to be the solution.  It gives me the perfect excuse to plant myself on the sofa, watch hours of BBC Jane Austen movies, and knit till my fingers complain.  As a small business owner, however, I have found that illness is not a guarantee for rest.  If I'm not working, money isn't being made.  If money isn't being made, I can't pay the rent.  If I can't teach a class, I have to call around and try to find a sub (the antithesis of rest when you're sick).

I never said illness was a *good* solution!

Anyway, I hadn't been sick in a long time.  2008 was a very sick year, 2009 was much better (I even cared for a swine-flu ridden husband and didn't fall ill).  2010 was going well until I got home from a week's visit in Indiana.  Within two days I was S-I-C-K.  I didn't even bother with subs, I canceled classes.  I freed up my whole week.  I hunkered down, knowing that I was probably overdue for a "rest" and I intended to make it as easy on myself as possible.

Hmph.  The illness lingered.  I started to feel a bit better, then KAPOW! lost my voice again and ran a fever.  Sick for a second week.  Then I developed a mysterious foot pain that I finally - after ten days - went to the doctor about.  I've spent two weeks clumping around in a boot (a removable cast).  Last night I developed a froggy voice again.

What gives?

Well, there is a lot of change going on for me right now.  In addition to changing my name, a few months ago I decided to sell my business.  I have spent the last five years building up my yoga studio, caring for it and helping it grow.  While I feel sure about the decision - it is time for me to focus my energies at home - it marks a whole-life change.  Also, Rob recently expanded his job search, which means that we may end up relocating if he gets a good job offer somewhere other than Seattle.  These transitions are all of indeterminate length.  It isn't like a decision can be made and POOF! we're in a new phase.  Rather, decisions have been made, processes undertaken, and now all we can do is stay the course, listen to our hearts, and have faith.

So it isn't surprising that I've spent the last month slowed down by one thing or another.  I have embarked on a process of slowing down...I have plans to rest!  Illness and peg-leg boot have ensured that I get started NOW.

I certainly look forward to the day when I don't have to be "encouraged" to slow down.  This forced rest thing is getting on my nerves.

The Name Thing

Juliet:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Juliet was right about roses.  They smell sweet, and would likely smell the same even if they were called "pinks".  Roses, however, are not people.  Roses do not engage in personal growth and development.  They do not strive to become better roses.  They are not empowered to make choices about their lives.

Thankfully, people do...and are.  In fact, it is in the making of choices, the endeavor to become ever more * I *, and the growth that comes from that path of Self-development that we grow.  We change.  We evolve.

Names can help us in that process.  Words carry meaning.  Names (especially for people) are important.  They carry intention, hope, direction, legacy, and sometimes the baggage of those who bestowed the name.  One may use a name to identify oneself with a particular ethnicity, or to honor a deceased person.  Expectant parents take a lot of time to name their children precisely because a name is important.

As that child grows, however, the name may prove untenable.  It may not "fit" the adult the child becomes.  They may no longer identify with that heritage, or may have been burdened with the memories of the honored dead.  The adult may find that, having learned more about who she is and what she's about, the time has come to let go of the old name - and the persona it identified - and assume a new name that will help her along her personal journey.

Aside:  I wish that we had naming rituals for adults.  Since our names are often chosen by our parents before they meet us, I think that a coming-of-age ritual in which an adult determines his or her own name would be fabulous.  It would recognize the significance of one's name while honoring the growth of the person.

A few years ago, a name came to me in meditation and prayer.  It was very clearly a name, and an important message, but I didn't understand whose name it was.  At that time, I was not even thinking about changing my name, though many people in the yogic community do so.  The name stuck with me, though, like a guardian spirit, always hovering somewhere nearby in my consciousness.

It wasn't until my grandmother passed away in 2008 that I began questioning the appropriateness of my given name (Kelly).  Kelly became uncomfortable, like too-tight shoes.  It was another family member's name before it was mine; an aunt who passed away at the tender age of three-and-a-half.  The feeling behind the name (which means warrior, war, strife, conflict, and "bright-headed" [whatever that means]) no longer applied to my life and, in fact, represented a very long stage of my life that I was glad to have worked through.  It did not feel like my name, and I did not want the very word meant to represent me to be one that literally evoked conflict & war every time it was spoken.  My warrior days, at least in the literal sense, are behind me.  I realized it was time to assume a new name - one that would help me rise to a fuller expression of my Self with each utterance.

The name that came to me in meditation was not exactly my first choice.  When I realized that I needed a new name, my mind got really excited and started offering many options.  It was a lot to sift through!  In the end, though, it was so much chaff.  It took a few more weeks of meditation and prayer to discern that the name was, in fact, for me.  Then I had to do a lot of inner work to help me let go of the name Kelly.  After all, I had that name for 34 years.  It isn't as simple as going to the courthouse and changing the name.  The mind, body, energy, everything about a person has to let go of the old name and welcome the new one.

This takes time.

But making the change has been such a wonderful step for me.  It is a beautiful name, and for me it holds the energy of nobility (especially a sense of feminine power, strength & grace).  It calls me more deeply into adulthood - the kind of adult I want to be.  Kelly represents my childhood and adolescence, much of which stayed with me into my thirties.  My new name calls me into the fullness of adulthood, with its responsibilities, integrity, joy, and strength.  Kelly led me to this place, and I will always be grateful for that.  Kelly cannot take me further, though, and so I've let it go.

My name is Arya.  I had no idea what it meant when it came to me.  It isn't as if I looked through a baby name book.  I have learned, however, that it is a very powerful name for me.  I am so thrilled to finally be ready to share it - and myself - with the world.

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If you're interested in name meanings, read this for a great background on the name.  After reading this, a friend of mine pointed out that the phrase, "who strives and overcomes all outside him and within him that stands opposed to the human advance" sounds perfect for me.  I was so grateful to him for having pointed that out.  It really helped me assume the name even more.  Thanks, S!!!

It's Been A While...

Well, hello!  It's been many weeks since I last posted.  A lot has been going on, of course, but it is only now that I feel ready to share it.  This my take a while.  I'll have to write it one bit at a time.  For my own reference, and to satisfy your curiosity, here's a list-in-progress of planned topics:

• Trip to Indiana to visit family
• The Timeliness of Illness (or, "How I got sick right when I really needed a good rest")
• Body Art
• I've changed my Name
• There's been a lot of knitting
• Winding Down
• The Boot
• Movies I Recently Enjoyed

These topics aren't in any sort of order, chronological or otherwise.  I'll get started soon.  For now, here's a fun picture:

Me, horsing around with Gabe.  (April, 2010, Indiana)

2010: A Wish List

Happy New Year!

Today people around the world sit down to consider the year to come.  Having said goodbye (or, in some cases, "good riddance") to 2009 last night, we turn to the future and ask ourselves,

"What do I want out of the coming year?"

This is an important exercise, and one that must not be reserved for the first day of the year.  We should regularly consider what it is we want out of life.  What do I feel called to do?  What changes do I need to make?  What baggage can I unpack?  What metaphorical windows can I clean in order to see the world more clearly?  In essence:

How can I create that which I want out of the coming year?

In the past I have resisted new year's resolutions, citing the importance of daily self-study, reflection, and appropriate course corrections.  This year, however, I feel myself drawn to consider a set of goals that are not necessarily "in the moment", but that must incubate and be nurtured over the course of the coming year in order to sprout, blossom and grow.  Rather than a list of resolutions, though, I am crafting a wish list for the coming year.  Care to join me?

For 2010, I wish to:

1. connect with Nature more often and more deeply.  I want to enjoy the beauty of my own backyard and take the time to settle into the Oneness of creation.
2. nurture friendships.  I have many acquaintances, but few friends.  I have a spiritual family, but even they are not necessarily my "friends", as in people I spend time with outside of our spiritual community events.  I want to sprinkle my life with more friend-ly glitter!
3. re-establish discipline.  I am coming out of a years-long hibernation, slowly making my way out of a funk.  During that funk, my discipline took a nosedive (that tends to happen when one feels as if constantly in "survival mode").  I want to...I need to regain discipline in my physical, mental and spiritual lives.  All parts of my garden need to be weeded, watered, mulched and yes, even composted.  I have some tidying up to do!
4. redefine "me".  Who am I?  What am I doing here?  What is my purpose?  I ask these questions regularly as part of my spiritual practice, but during the "funk", it was very challenging to discern true answers.  This year, as the fog lifts, I will continue to ask, and patiently trust that the answers will be clear.

What do you wish for 2010?  How will you create the year your desire?  Please share in the comments!

I have an anger...

I have an anger, but it isn't the "good" kind.  You know the kind I mean?  That self-righteous anger that can flare up, fill you with a surge of adrenaline and make you feel alive?  The anger of road-rage, of pure indignation and "how could you?".  The kind of anger that burns quickly and completely and then *poof* dissipates, leaving almost as quickly as it swelled.

That's not what my anger is like.

This is an old anger.  One with tendrils, like the bamboo in my backyard.  We pulled it out when we moved in five years ago, but every once in awhile a new, proud shoot juts up through the dirt.  We try to pull it out, but the root travels across the whole yard, it doesn't budge.  The shoot has to be cut, which really only ensures that we will be cutting lots of shoots for a long time to come.

Cutting those shoots without pulling out the roots feels similar to the way I have interacted with this anger.  I've tried to "fix" it: to dress it up in joy, smother it with love, disguise it with cheerfulness.  I've tried to douse it with tears, offer it to God, and, finally, to convince myself that it was spent.

It wasn't.

This fall has been a quiet one because the anger was welling up, a tidal force that finally...blessedly...hit my shores last week.  I am so thankful for its ostentatious arrival, because I cannot ignore it any longer.

This anger is old.  This anger runs deep.  Balms, salves, ice, none of that soothes the burn.  And so, I will be with it.  It is not *who* or *what* I am, it is one of many emotions.  It is a "dark night".  It is a demand that I turn inward and feel the complexity of who and what I truly am.  The Light and the Shadow.  The flow of life and the log-jams of my own creation.

I may not befriend it and invite it to stay, but I know that it will not be ignored for another moment.  And so I will sit with it, listen to it, let it talk itself hoarse and burn itself to ashes.  I will feel it as completely as I know how.

I am finally, thankfully, courageous enough to be angry.

How do you put a price on value?

Our Prop Wall:  chairs, pads, blocks, bolsters, sandbags, and more!

One of the biggest challenges a small business owner faces is pricing.  How do you determine a price for the product or service you offer?  How do you help people understand the high value of your business, and the way in which value is translated into price?  How does your price set you apart from similar businesses in your area?

As a boutique yoga studio, Maple Leaf Community Yoga offers a unique experience:  semi-private yoga instruction for regular folks.  Teachers who are highly trained, experienced professionals.  A space that is clean, peaceful, and conducive to the inward work of Purna Yoga.  The opportunity to strengthen community relationships.  What we do here matters.

It is life-changing.

It is valuable.

Our Rope Wall accessories.

How much should it cost?   This summer we did a whole re-organization for the studio.  Based upon student surveys and suggestions, we developed new programs.  We built a new website, hired more teachers, scheduled in new classes, created a new look, designed a new logo, and set up a new payment structure that empowers students to organize their own class schedule.  New prices ensure that we will be able to continue to offer our students that which they desire:  small classes, expert teachers, safe yoga experiences.

The fabulous Rope Wall and the fabulous husband!

If you are a small business owner, whether it's a storefront business or an etsy shop, how do you determine your prices?  Join the conversation and we'll help each other succeed!

On Being the Solution

 Maple Leaf Community Yoga is, as the name implies, a neighborhood yoga studio.  Its home is in the street-level office space of an apartment building two blocks from my home.  I walk back and forth multiple times a day and, in so doing, bump into lots of Maple Leaf residents.

I run into current students.  I run into past students.  I run into "potential" students.

Lately, the phrase "Oh, I've been meaning to...(sign up for classes, get back into yoga, make an appointment for private instruction)" keeps popping up.  To the point that I finally threw my hands up in exasperation and took a look into myself to figure out what this was all about.

You see, as a yoga practitioner I believe that if an issue is irritating/exasperating to me, it is because I hold part of the problem within myself.  It appeared that some non-committal/best intentions/mañana mañana part of me is attracting people who like the idea of yoga classes but not enough to commit - at least, not today.  I decided it was time to find that part within myself.

For years I have been "meaning to" get back into dance.  I danced throughout my childhood, and as an adult my classes and opportunities for dancing - other than in my own living room - have been few and far between.  I have had in mind to join a dance class or two for a couple of years, but kept missing the sign up dates (due to poor planning) or just not getting around to it, or on the evening of the class deciding I'd rather stay home.  Enough!

Last week I contacted a teacher, went to try the class, loved it and am now signed up.  I feel so refreshed!  I feel so free!  I feel so...committed.  Not committed to dance, per se, but committed to finally doing the things that I keep putting off (organizing the office, anyone?).  Committed to following through on my dreams, even the simple ones about finding a once-a-week dance class.  Committed to my own growth and exploration.

Committed to that which brings me Joy.

Hopefully, others are finding their commitment as well.  Are you?