Dear Readers Friends,
I was recently visited by a troll. From the safety of its internet cave, this mean-spirited creature attempted to publicly body-shame me, leaving a comment that said, "Honey, you aren't curvy...you are fat." This comment had nothing to do with my outfit of that day, nor did it offer any constructive observations or criticism. It was the internet equivalent of a playground bully, and I simply won't stand for it. Edited to add: I want to clarify that the commenter could have used any word. Being called fat didn't hurt my feelings. and I don't consider it an insult. What I found appalling wasn't the word used, but rather the intention behind it.
I put pictures of myself on the internet. I do. That does not mean that I am "asking for it" with regards to rude comments. I believe that the internet can offer a form of community - it is a medium in which people can share their experiences, insights, photos, jokes, pains, challenges, and more. Just like any community, a commonly understood set of behavioral guidelines helps us know how to appropriately respond in comments, forums, and other areas dedicated to conversation. Each blogger, as a host/hostess, may choose to give misbehaving visitors the boot by deleting their comments or even blocking their IP address. I know that I am not alone in my expectation that blog visitors should behave themselves just as they would if they were sitting in my living room. Name-calling and bullying are not acceptable. Nobody needs to hold a space for meanness in their real or virtual life.
This "...fat" comment, in particular, seemed intended to cause me shame. In our culture there continues to be a great deal of size-ism, and it is commonly understood that to call a woman fat is to devalue her. The "fat" label - most especially, perhaps, when applied to a woman who clearly is not fat - is a sure-fire way to ensure that a woman spend more time fretting about her figure than focused on her many gifts and even...gasp!...sharing them with the world.
Unless that woman is me.
I am not ashamed of my body. My body is strong, supple, and graceful. It is firm in some places, and soft in others. It rises to my demands (almost) without fail, whether I want to participate in a four-hour yoga workshop, make it through boot camp and two war zones, shimmy for two hours straight, make love with my husband, run for three miles, or stay up through the night with a woman in labor. My body is shaped in a way that screams "WOMAN!", and I'm finally, blessedly, okay with enjoying that.
I will not be shamed.
And I hope that you won't be, either. Show your body, and the world, your solidarity by displaying one of these badges on your blog, with a link back to this post. Let's paper the blogosphere with shame-free blogging on Friday, April 15 (that's this Friday!!!). Write a post in praise of your body, display the badge, and tell everybody that you will not be shamed. Share your pride in your body, name the parts that you love and appreciate. Thank your body publicly for everything it does for you. Inspire other people - of all shapes and sizes - to
reject shame.
Don't forget to link back to this post so that people will know how the shame-free movement was born!
A special thanks to my friend, Megan, for creating these badges for us.
Shamelessly yours,
Arya
Twirling!
P.s. Here's my post for Shame-free Blogging Day (April 15, 2011)
You are awesome and beautiful and I love your dress!
Posted by: Megan (duchess) | 04/12/2011 at 08:20 AM
Go girl, go! Absolutely every species comes in a range of sizes, shapes and phenotypes. Humans are no different, and our job is simply to keep our vehicles HEALTHY so they can DO what we need them to, and enjoy the amazing feats of biology that they are! Acceptance of one's body is unfortunately rare in our current culture, and for someone to think the could squash the entire emotional, physical and mental journey that leads to self-acceptance with one cowardly comment-- Absurd! They obviously haven't met Ms. Arya yet.;) You are everything you are supposed to be- No more, no less, no squishier, no firmer! Lots of love and appreciation for your fearlessness!
Posted by: Molly Jackson | 04/12/2011 at 09:20 AM
The basic comment created another comment inside me : Sweetheart, you are not truthful, you are rude. My daughter's 5 year old friend would have said, "You are mean". And the list is endless. I am so thankful to you to bring this conversation out so that the person who wrote the comment might be curious about himself and want to know what in him led that person to write what they wrote. Did it help them in any way? Did they have a moment of joy because they wrote this way? Has someone put them down like that?
Posted by: Avantika Nirupama | 04/12/2011 at 01:21 PM
Oops, I assumed this was a man writing. Apologies. Could be a woman too. I do not know. Please change the himself in my comment to himself/herself.
Posted by: Avantika Nirupama | 04/12/2011 at 01:22 PM
It is obvious this person has been taught that THEY cannot be your size (and you seem small to me from the pic I see!)so they feel the need to share with you their internal angst..."I'm not allowed to feel good about myself at your size, why should YOU get that luxury??!" That comment came from a place of anger. Jealousy. Period.
Posted by: Paula | 04/12/2011 at 09:18 PM
Thanks Megan and Molly!
Avantika - you are, as always, wise. I do sometimes wonder what prompts certain behaviors. I am thankful for the introspection that the comment spurred in me, and can only hope that it is inciting such self-study in others, as well.
Paula - It is interesting, isn't it? I wear a size small, and there's really nothing large about me (except my personality!), so I really couldn't fathom a purpose for calling me fat other than to attempt to hurt my feelings. Which is ludicrous. Anyway, my hope with this event on Friday is that anyone who participates will be filled with gratitude for their wonderful bodies, and that others will be inspired to appreciate their own bodies, too.
Posted by: Arya | 04/13/2011 at 07:42 PM
I just love you, Arya. You are inspiring and wonderful. I will definitely be participating!
Posted by: Shay Moore | 04/13/2011 at 08:46 PM
I hope you don't mind but I made a post regarding this one and I added the badge to the bottom of my blog, more people need to read this :)
Posted by: Julietslace | 04/15/2011 at 01:53 PM
You are awesome! Thank you for posting about this and not letting this troll get to you! I hope you have a lovely day!
Posted by: Mrs Amber Apple | 04/15/2011 at 02:00 PM
@ Julietslace - My hope is that readers will spread the word! Take a badge, write a post, let's make a big demonstration of positive body image! Thank you *so* much for sharing the message!
@ Mrs. Amber Apple - Thanks! I *am* having a lovely day. It's my birthday, and I'm being treated to whatever activities I want. It's heavenly!
Posted by: Arya | 04/15/2011 at 02:03 PM
That photo is just awesome! I love the beautiful woman, the pretty dress, the feminine shoes and the CAMO backpack in the background!
That just screams "Today's Woman!"
It's been a long and ongoing journey for me too and plenty of people still try to ruin my day with criticisms and internet/RL trolling. Small pathetic creatures that don't deserve your thought or your time. :D
You are truly beautiful.
Posted by: krisztina | 04/15/2011 at 02:28 PM
I made a very short post with a backlink to your blog, I have been meaning to write on this in recent times. I was recently attacked by a troll on my youtube. He/she took my images and made a video of me in a jungle with bananas, and made multiple comments on my videos calling me racial slurs. It was amazing to say the least. I also have been attacked due to my size, I also refused to be shamed. Enough is enough. I will post more later and spread the word on my blog and twitter. Great post
www.nicoleisthenewblack.com
Posted by: nicoleisthenewblack | 04/15/2011 at 06:03 PM
You are adorable. People are so rude! I will prepare a post shortly! :)
Posted by: angie.a | 04/16/2011 at 05:44 AM
What matters is what's in your heart and what you share with others. Negitivity and bullying will only leave you an empty heart and an empty life.
Posted by: joen | 04/17/2011 at 10:52 AM
This is a great idea! I'm a little late in finding this blog to do anything on April 15 but I'm planning a post about it! Thank-you for sharing this so eloquently <3
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